Hot Topics: Non-Committal Make-out Sessions (NCMOS)
Hello blog friends!
My sister has been blogging up a storm, and as I mentioned before, this has inspired me to take up blogging again. You can check out some of her work over at https://djslifestory.blogspot.com .
My sis and I have been discussing ideas for blog posts, and one of the ideas that we came up with writing an opinion piece about a common practice among young people that has the potential to lead to much more than the participants had bargained for. NCMOS (non-committal make-out sessions) are a plague among some of the college town social scenes that my sis and I have been involved in, so I wanted to talk about why I don't like NCMOS and would discourage young people from participating in them.
What are NCMOS?
NCMOS are non-committal make-out sessions, where individuals who are not in a committed relationship repeatedly kiss each other just for the fun of it. Sometimes the partners have previously met, sometimes they're friends, but often they're people who will likely never see one another after the make-out session. People sometimes describe NCMOS as one-night stands or hookups that don't lead all the way to sex.
Pros and Cons?
I have known people and heard stories about people who have participated in NCMOS. I have also participated in make-out sessions when I was not in a relationship. Some found it to be exciting and fun, plus kissing feels good. Some liked that it was "no strings attached," meaning they could have the benefits of kissing without having to work at a relationship. Many people dislike NCMOS because they feel that kissing should be saved for serious relationships. I will share how I feel about NCMOS personally, but first, I would like to share some background information.
What do kisses mean?
Kissing can be fun, but I don't think that people should kiss one another willy-nilly as they please. I believe that kissing and other displays of affection have meaning. The meaning of the actions can mean something different depending on who you ask.
For this section of the post, I will draw from the words of LDS author and speaker, John Bytheway. He has given advice to teenagers and young adults for many years and has been one of my favorite authors since I was in Junior High. The New Era, a magazine for LDS teenagers, published an article which John Bytheway wrote about kissing. Bytheway (2004) warns that our actions often speak louder than words, especially when showing physical affection. Even a simple hug between two friends can speak volumes.
According to Bytheway, each person can interpret an action in different ways. A boy and girl may hold hands while walking at the fair. One might think they are just holding hands so they don't lose one another in the crowd while the other thinks that holding hands means that they are boyfriend and girlfriend. A young man and young woman might share a goodnight kiss after a date. One might feel like they will have a good story to share with their buddies since they finally got that kiss, while the other may feel an outburst of emotions and attachment to their kissing partner. I highly recommend reading John Bytheway's article. I really changed my perspective on kissing and the messages it can convey.
My Take on NCMOS
In my personal opinion, I absolutely agree with John Bytheway. I think that actions speak louder than words, and physical actions can often be misinterpreted. Without going into detail, I will say that I have had experiences where I misinterpreted messages that guys were sending, and I've had my heart broken a couple of times.
When you kiss someone, you can't take it back. Like it or not, the memory stays with you and can come back to haunt you when you least expect it. I've thought about guys I've kissed even years after the fact. When you kiss someone, you develop an emotional connection. If your make-out buddy is still in your life after the NCMO, it can strain the relationship and make it more complicated, especially if they make out with or start dating someone else. Making out can also lead to other things way too easily, and the temptation to go further can be quite strong. That's why I strongly caution against NCMOS and even lengthy make-out sessions when you are dating.
Since I made some mistakes when I was younger, when I was in my early 20's, I actually went on a kissing hiatus for several years. One reason was because I wasn't dating anyone. Another was because I served a mission for my church. The biggest reason was because I wanted my kisses to mean something, and I didn't want to kiss anyone else unless I was committed to the relationship and wanted to marry them. After my mission, I made a promise to myself and to God that I wouldn't kiss anyone unless I knew that I was going to marry the guy. I kept that promise, not kissing anyone except for the man I married in 2014. Our first kiss was special because we knew that we were committed to one another and the kiss was an expression of our love. I may regret some of the kisses I gave away when I was younger, but I don't regret saving my first kiss with my husband after an almost 5-year kissing hiatus.
A Final Note
I have shared my personal opinion about NCMOS. I know that everyone has a different opinion, and I respect that. Each person has personal agency to choose how they will act, so although I discourage people from participating in NCMOS, the choice is ultimately up to you. Talk to your make-out buddy to set boundaries and discuss expectations. Use your personal judgement to determine who you want to kiss, when you want to kiss, and how often you want to kiss. The choice is yours to make. Please be responsible though.
Source Cited:
Bytheway, John. 2004. "What Do Kisses Mean?" New Era, October 2004 issue. https://www.lds.org/new-era/2004/10/what-do-kisses-mean?lang=eng
For more information about kissing and general survival as a teenager, you should check out this book by John Bytheway:
https://www.amazon.com/Crash-Course-Teenage-Survival-Bytheway/dp/1573459305
The book can even be helpful for college age young adults. John Bytheway has a ton of books and talks available for a variety of age groups. He tackles difficult topics with humor, and I really enjoyed his books growing up.
My sister has been blogging up a storm, and as I mentioned before, this has inspired me to take up blogging again. You can check out some of her work over at https://djslifestory.blogspot.com .
My sis and I have been discussing ideas for blog posts, and one of the ideas that we came up with writing an opinion piece about a common practice among young people that has the potential to lead to much more than the participants had bargained for. NCMOS (non-committal make-out sessions) are a plague among some of the college town social scenes that my sis and I have been involved in, so I wanted to talk about why I don't like NCMOS and would discourage young people from participating in them.
What are NCMOS?
NCMOS are non-committal make-out sessions, where individuals who are not in a committed relationship repeatedly kiss each other just for the fun of it. Sometimes the partners have previously met, sometimes they're friends, but often they're people who will likely never see one another after the make-out session. People sometimes describe NCMOS as one-night stands or hookups that don't lead all the way to sex.
Pros and Cons?
I have known people and heard stories about people who have participated in NCMOS. I have also participated in make-out sessions when I was not in a relationship. Some found it to be exciting and fun, plus kissing feels good. Some liked that it was "no strings attached," meaning they could have the benefits of kissing without having to work at a relationship. Many people dislike NCMOS because they feel that kissing should be saved for serious relationships. I will share how I feel about NCMOS personally, but first, I would like to share some background information.
What do kisses mean?
Kissing can be fun, but I don't think that people should kiss one another willy-nilly as they please. I believe that kissing and other displays of affection have meaning. The meaning of the actions can mean something different depending on who you ask.
For this section of the post, I will draw from the words of LDS author and speaker, John Bytheway. He has given advice to teenagers and young adults for many years and has been one of my favorite authors since I was in Junior High. The New Era, a magazine for LDS teenagers, published an article which John Bytheway wrote about kissing. Bytheway (2004) warns that our actions often speak louder than words, especially when showing physical affection. Even a simple hug between two friends can speak volumes.
According to Bytheway, each person can interpret an action in different ways. A boy and girl may hold hands while walking at the fair. One might think they are just holding hands so they don't lose one another in the crowd while the other thinks that holding hands means that they are boyfriend and girlfriend. A young man and young woman might share a goodnight kiss after a date. One might feel like they will have a good story to share with their buddies since they finally got that kiss, while the other may feel an outburst of emotions and attachment to their kissing partner. I highly recommend reading John Bytheway's article. I really changed my perspective on kissing and the messages it can convey.
My Take on NCMOS
In my personal opinion, I absolutely agree with John Bytheway. I think that actions speak louder than words, and physical actions can often be misinterpreted. Without going into detail, I will say that I have had experiences where I misinterpreted messages that guys were sending, and I've had my heart broken a couple of times.
When you kiss someone, you can't take it back. Like it or not, the memory stays with you and can come back to haunt you when you least expect it. I've thought about guys I've kissed even years after the fact. When you kiss someone, you develop an emotional connection. If your make-out buddy is still in your life after the NCMO, it can strain the relationship and make it more complicated, especially if they make out with or start dating someone else. Making out can also lead to other things way too easily, and the temptation to go further can be quite strong. That's why I strongly caution against NCMOS and even lengthy make-out sessions when you are dating.
Since I made some mistakes when I was younger, when I was in my early 20's, I actually went on a kissing hiatus for several years. One reason was because I wasn't dating anyone. Another was because I served a mission for my church. The biggest reason was because I wanted my kisses to mean something, and I didn't want to kiss anyone else unless I was committed to the relationship and wanted to marry them. After my mission, I made a promise to myself and to God that I wouldn't kiss anyone unless I knew that I was going to marry the guy. I kept that promise, not kissing anyone except for the man I married in 2014. Our first kiss was special because we knew that we were committed to one another and the kiss was an expression of our love. I may regret some of the kisses I gave away when I was younger, but I don't regret saving my first kiss with my husband after an almost 5-year kissing hiatus.
A Final Note
I have shared my personal opinion about NCMOS. I know that everyone has a different opinion, and I respect that. Each person has personal agency to choose how they will act, so although I discourage people from participating in NCMOS, the choice is ultimately up to you. Talk to your make-out buddy to set boundaries and discuss expectations. Use your personal judgement to determine who you want to kiss, when you want to kiss, and how often you want to kiss. The choice is yours to make. Please be responsible though.
Source Cited:
Bytheway, John. 2004. "What Do Kisses Mean?" New Era, October 2004 issue. https://www.lds.org/new-era/2004/10/what-do-kisses-mean?lang=eng
For more information about kissing and general survival as a teenager, you should check out this book by John Bytheway:
https://www.amazon.com/Crash-Course-Teenage-Survival-Bytheway/dp/1573459305
The book can even be helpful for college age young adults. John Bytheway has a ton of books and talks available for a variety of age groups. He tackles difficult topics with humor, and I really enjoyed his books growing up.
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