Opinions don't matter. why I don't sugar coat

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Today I was thinking about what happened in life that makes me not care what other's think when it comes to opinion and I feel like people just think I'm heartless and don't care about people. I don't know if that's really what they think but thats the way I fell sometimes. I was thinking about my childhood and growing up, we were required to work hard for everything we ever had and got and it has made me appreciate everything I have, one of the hardest things we dealt with was never being able to build friendships like most people do while there young. Friendships are hard to build the older you get especially the one's  that are close and the ones I dream of all the time, the one's that you see all the time where you go hang out every week, those one's are the ones that don't come easily when your older. I have friends that have best friends they had when they were in preschool and they go out at least weekly and there married and most have families to care for but they stay close and they become a part of each other's families on both sides of the friendships and they don't hide anything from each other,  that is one of the things I have always dreamed for and it makes me sad to see other's that live that dream. One of the reasons I was never able to build this dream is because we were never able to get to know anyone and all of our childhood friends were stolen from us when we moved from Anchorage to Kenai in 1999 and after that move we were isolated and every time we made friends it got stonewalled and we were never able to nurture those relationships and it has made me me today but it also left a permanent hole in my sole that I often find empty, how does this make me heartless when it comes to opinion? Mom always taught us to stand up for what we believe and for what's right and she always said that often and other things happened later in life where I was important for telling the truth and it made me opinionated and I'm vocal about it, I don't have a filter to shield your feelings and often times I don't care about your feelings and I believe its because of this life history of mine that has made everyone else's feelings less in value to me. I don't say that in the terms of knocking anyone down as in I don't value them at all, I just don't value sugar coating everything. I don't know how to filter my mouth for your feelings or opinions. I never had a best friend to talk to that would tell me I was to mean and it's why a lot of people don't like me and a lot of people do but in the end its the lack of that friendship that isn't there that would have filled that hole that is there. My best friends are my sisters, and now Tabitha but growing up I was close to my brother's and sisters for the longest time, we only had each other.  I still long for that hole of a true life long friend that most have today that I never had and will never have the chance to have. It makes me sad often 😢  I hope everyone that reads this really cherishs there friendships and hold them close,  especially your best friends. 

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