Hot Topics: Non-Committal Make-out Sessions (NCMOS)

Hello blog friends!

My sister has been blogging up a storm, and as I mentioned before, this has inspired me to take up blogging again.  You can check out some of her work over at https://djslifestory.blogspot.com .

My sis and I have been discussing ideas for blog posts, and one of the ideas that we came up with writing an opinion piece about a common practice among young people that has the potential to lead to much more than the participants had bargained for. NCMOS (non-committal make-out sessions) are a plague among some of the college town social scenes that my sis and I have been involved in, so I wanted to talk about why I don't like NCMOS and would discourage young people from participating in them.

What are NCMOS?
NCMOS are non-committal make-out sessions, where individuals who are not in a committed relationship repeatedly kiss each other just for the fun of it. Sometimes the partners have previously met, sometimes they're friends, but often they're people who will likely never see one another after the make-out session. People sometimes describe NCMOS as one-night stands or hookups that don't lead all the way to sex.

Pros and Cons?
I have known people and heard stories about people who have participated in NCMOS. I have also participated in make-out sessions when I was not in a relationship. Some found it to be exciting and fun, plus kissing feels good.  Some liked that it was "no strings attached," meaning they could have the benefits of kissing without having to work at a relationship. Many people dislike NCMOS because they feel that kissing should be saved for serious relationships. I will share how I feel about NCMOS personally, but first, I would like to share some background information.

What do kisses mean?
Kissing can be fun, but I don't think that people should kiss one another willy-nilly as they please. I believe that kissing and other displays of affection have meaning. The meaning of the actions can mean something different depending on who you ask.

For this section of the post, I will draw from the words of LDS author and speaker, John Bytheway. He has given advice to teenagers and young adults for many years and has been one of my favorite authors since I was in Junior High. The New Era, a magazine for LDS teenagers, published an article which John Bytheway wrote about kissing. Bytheway (2004) warns that our actions often speak louder than words, especially when showing physical affection. Even a simple hug between two friends can speak volumes.

According to Bytheway, each person can interpret an action in different ways.  A boy and girl may hold hands while walking at the fair. One might think they are just holding hands so they don't lose one another in the crowd while the other thinks that holding hands means that they are boyfriend and girlfriend. A young man and young woman might share a goodnight kiss after a date. One might feel like they will have a good story to share with their buddies since they finally got that kiss, while the other may feel an outburst of emotions and attachment to their kissing partner. I highly recommend reading John Bytheway's article. I really changed my perspective on kissing and the messages it can convey.

My Take on NCMOS
In my personal opinion, I absolutely agree with John Bytheway. I think that actions speak louder than words, and physical actions can often be misinterpreted. Without going into detail, I will say that  I have had experiences where I misinterpreted messages that guys were sending, and I've had my heart broken a couple of times.

When you kiss someone, you can't take it back. Like it or not, the memory stays with you and can come back to haunt you when you least expect it.  I've thought about guys I've kissed even years after the fact. When you kiss someone, you develop an emotional connection. If your make-out buddy is still in your life after the NCMO, it can strain the relationship and make it more complicated, especially if they make out with or start dating someone else. Making out can also lead to other things way too easily, and the temptation to go further can be quite strong. That's why I strongly caution against NCMOS and even lengthy make-out sessions when you are dating.

Since I made some mistakes when I was younger, when I was in my early 20's, I actually went on a kissing hiatus for several years. One reason was because I wasn't dating anyone. Another was because I served a mission for my church. The biggest reason was because I wanted my kisses to mean something, and I didn't want to kiss anyone else unless I was committed to the relationship and wanted to marry them. After my mission, I made a promise to myself and to God that I wouldn't kiss anyone unless I knew that I was going to marry the guy. I kept that promise, not kissing anyone except for the man I married in 2014. Our first kiss was special because we knew that we were committed to one another and the kiss was an expression of our love. I may regret some of the kisses I gave away when I was younger, but I don't regret saving my first kiss with my husband after an almost 5-year kissing hiatus.

A Final Note

I have shared my personal opinion about NCMOS. I know that everyone has a different opinion, and I respect that. Each person has personal agency to choose how they will act, so although I discourage people from participating in NCMOS, the choice is ultimately up to you. Talk to your make-out buddy to set boundaries and discuss expectations. Use your personal judgement to determine who you want to kiss, when you want to kiss, and how often you want to kiss. The choice is yours to make. Please be responsible though.







Source Cited:
Bytheway, John. 2004. "What Do Kisses Mean?"  New Era, October 2004 issue. https://www.lds.org/new-era/2004/10/what-do-kisses-mean?lang=eng

For more information about kissing and general survival as a teenager, you should check out this book by John Bytheway:
  https://www.amazon.com/Crash-Course-Teenage-Survival-Bytheway/dp/1573459305
The book can even be helpful for college age young adults. John Bytheway has a ton of books and talks available for a variety of age groups. He tackles difficult topics with humor, and I really enjoyed his books growing up.

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Hello blog!

 I realize that I have neglected this blog for over a year! Shameful! My lovely sister is an awesome blogger and has encouraged me to take up blogging again, so here we go! I’m also taking a creative writing class next semester so blogging will help me get back into the spirit of writing. I’ll write about everyday adventures as well as thoughts and crazy ideas. I might even have a guest post or two in the near future. Here’s to blogging bliss!

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Health and Loving Yourself

Health and body positivity post from Tabitha


Hi everyone, so I mentioned in a post a few weeks ago that I'm working through some health issues. I wanted to share a little bit about that today. Please remember that this is my personal battle. I'm not looking for sympathy or pity. I'm not looking for criticism either. Being overweight and unhealthy sucks, but I've learned to accept my condition and I am taking action to improve my health.  I want to share more about my condition so that you can understand what's happening and why I am sensitive when it comes to people wondering about us having kids. I feel comfortable sharing this much with you all.
I've been overweight for a while. I had a problem with portion control, sugar addiction, and emotional eating. Since my weight gain was steady, for a long time, I didn't really notice it. Before I knew it, I was way over what my weight should be. I was constantly tired and cranky. Other health problems started to creep up.
Last year, I started making changes to eat healthier. Despite my efforts, I GAINED 30 pounds in a year! I was shocked and discouraged. I went to the doctor last month and learned that  I have PCOS-poly cystic ovarian syndrome. Basically I have insulin resistance and my hormones are all messed up. I have difficulty ovulating and having regular menstrual periods. I will need to get my insulin resistance and ovulation under control before I can think about getting pregnant. Even then, I may need some help.
I've started taking Metformin to help with my insulin resistance. Next month, I'll follow up with the doctor and go from there. I'm also reevaluating my eating and exercise habits. I will continue to tweak them as needed. I'm trying to eat more fruits and vegetables and drink more water. I've also been cutting back on my chocolate and candy intake. It's been hard, but I'm already seeing great results!
I still have a long way to go on my journey, but I'm learning to love myself and take care of myself better. I'm learning to love myself as I am right now, while still looking to the future and visualizing a healthier, smaller version of myself. I want to take care of myself NOW so that my health problems don't get worse.
I'm the happiest I've been in a while and I'm grateful for the support of friends and family. I'm excited for this next part of my life as I improve my health and sculpt a better version of me.

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My Future path?

February 21st 2016
My future path?
This week I have been thinking about what I want to do… With so many things and so much drama on a daily basis you can't help but to ask yourself “Is this for me?” And my answer at this time is unknown! I love what I do but physically how long will I be able to keep going with minimal pain, mentally are you willing to drop your standards to make everyone happy and eat your pride? Is the money worth it? Though the pay is great for now but in the end I feel it is going to cost me more than I can make especially with health issues getting worse and I believe what I do as a mechanic isn't helping with the amount of bad chemicals I am around on a daily basis to the exhaust, to the extreme exposure to the cold weather with playing on frozen metals and the high stress that comes with being a mechanic, I have been a mechanic since 2012 and no longer feel 100% that this is what I'm supposed to do! I have a doctors appointment on March 3 and they are going to do allergy testing to try and narrow my issues down. I've had they really important stuff tested for a month ago and they didn't find anything however just because they didn't find anything the first time around don't mean there's no problem it just means it's in a neutral state at the time of the blood draws. I have thought about going into business for myself as a mobile mechanic and thought about it for about 3 weeks and decided that isn't for me either (at this time) so recently it came to mind that we may eventually end up in Oregon but don't know why right now, I have never been there in my life! (That I can remember) as far as my career I am going to look into becoming a building/construction inspector I love doing construction but it's to seasonal so I can't do that here in Alaska and I'm not ready to move! Anyway that's my current thoughts and what's going on! I hope you all enjoy it!

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PSA: Our Future Pregnancy Announcement Will Be Super Obvious

The following is a public service announcement from Tabitha:

I'm not trying to be rude, but I feel the need to say something. I know that people mean well and that they are eager for us to expand our family. Nevertheless, I'm irritated that whenever I post anything about kids, people tend to think that it's an announcement. Nope, I'm just posting something that I thought was cute or interesting. It's come down to me having put a disclaimer on every child-related thing I post.
Allow me to let you in on a secret: when I'm really pregnant, I won't announce it by posting some random picture or article. What I post will include both Brandon and I with something baby-related and a caption that's extremely obvious about what's happening :-)
Of course, family members and close friends  will get a phone call or visit where we tell them the exciting news. We love you too much to tell you by some random Facebook post.
Just in case anyone is curious, I am currently working on improving my health. Once I can resolve health concerns and we improve our finances, we will be  in a better condition to welcome a little one. As for specifics of our health and finances, we prefer to only discuss this with family and close friends.
Again, please understand that I'm not trying to be rude. I just felt that it was important to share this information so you can better understand where we're at and not jump to conclusions based on what we post. :-)

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~An Open Letter to My 17-year-old Self

I wrote this letter to a younger version of myself, looking back to when I was a Junior in high school. This was a way for me to reflect on what have learned over the past few years and to think of advice that I would give to myself as a teenager.

Hey Beautiful!
Congratulations on turning 17! By the way, you're already more than halfway done with high school! I know that the decision to switch schools was tough* but you were brave and took the plunge. You're going to learn so much at this school and meet some amazing people.  I know right now you're excited about cheerleading, fun assignments, and cute boys in gym class, science class, every class.... But I have a little bit of advice to help you through the next few action-packed years.
1.   You are beautiful, inside and out! You don't need to wear shorts skirts or cake your face in makeup to be beautiful. You have a light that shines from within. It may take you a while to recognize that light, but when you do, it will be glorious. All of the jewels in the world can't compare with the beauty of a young woman who knows who she is and shows respect for herself and others.
2.  Talking to cute boys is fun and exciting (and I know that boy a few lockers down has his eyes on you), but you don't really need a boyfriend just yet. You need to get to know and love yourself better first. You're going to transform over the next few years. Yes, you'll meet some good-looking guys, steal a few hearts (and kisses), and maybe get your heart ripped out a couple of times. Everything that happens will shape you and prepare you for the future. God has an awesome guy waiting for you; He just wants you to be better prepared for your future relationship. Be patient; it'll take a few years.
3.  Treasure your relationships with your family and friends. Yes, I understand your siblings are annoying, I had to grow up with them, remember?  The good news is, they will grow out of their annoying habits.  They may even surprise you with what they know and the skills they have. You guys will help each other through trials and grow closer together. You may even become really good friends.  Also, don't write your parents off as old farts who don't know much. They know A LOT and have really good advice. Listen to them and consider their advice. It can save you a lot of headache and heartache.  And enjoy your friendships. Get to know different kinds of people. Learn to get along with different kind of people. It will help you a lot!
4.  Don't be afraid of your school teachers and church leaders. They are actually pretty cool. You'll be surprised by the stories they tell and the advice they give. I know that it can be hard to pay attention sometimes, but listen up. You never know what you could learn! Also, don't be afraid of your bishop or branch president*. They want you to succeed, and they are here to help! You'll make some great friends by getting to know your teachers and leaders better.
5.  Be yourself! Be genuine. Be real. You don't need to be someone you're not to get people to like you. Don't be afraid to speak up. People will love the real you, quirks and all!
6.  Find a balance. Life can be pretty tricky when you have to balance early-morning seminary*, school, cheerleading, homework, and church activities. Things will get even crazier after graduation, when you have to balance a job, classes, homework, church responsibilities, a social life, and a car with which you have a love-hate relationship.*   It will be tough. You'll crash and burn. But eventually you will find a good way to balance your life.
7.  Exercise and eat healthy foods!  This one is hard to do! I know you're probably about to shove a pizza into your mouth and then eat some candy. I know that at this age, carrots and apples do not sound as appealing as pizza and soda, but you'll pay for poor health habits down the road. It's much harder to get back in shape and change eating habits when you get older. I'm having quite the struggle to lose weight and be healthy. Cultivate good habits now. Trust me, you'll thank yourself when you get older!
8.   Do your best work.  A lot of subjects come easy to you, and you find a way to put your personality into your assignments.  I have some bad news for you: classes are not always fun or easy. You will have some tough classes in college, and sometimes you will be bored out of your mind!  But don't give up. Remember that mediocre efforts results in mediocre grades and mediocre learning. Study and apply what you learn. Don't be afraid of talking to your teacher or going to study groups.  There are people who want to help you succeed.
9.    Be open to the unexpected. Life will throw you curves and give you unanticipated opportunities. Things will happen that will shock you. Doors and windows will open up when you least expect it.  For example, for a couple of years, you'll tell everyone you know that you're not going to serve a mission. Then you'll eat your words when you're 22. You'll end up serving a mission* and loving it.  Life isn't going to go exactly how you expect it. You won't always get what you want, but you will get what you need.
10.   Pay attention in your church classes. I know it's hard to stay awake at 7 in the morning*. I know it's hard to understand Bible language. You will learn some valuable lessons when you pay attention. You will learn about how to build a relationship with God. You will learn about what Christ's sacrifice means to you. You will be able to apply what you learn on a very personal level and become a better person. Even when a class seems endlessly boring, pay attention, and you can pick out hidden treasures of knowledge.
Well, dear, this about wraps it up. I hope you learned something from the future version of yourself. These next few years will be fun and challenging. You will be stretched. You will laugh, you will cry, you will learn many things. Hang on and enjoy the ride!
Love, Future You in 2015

* Some background information:
1- My Junior year of high school I switched to a high school that was technology-based because I was ready for a change.
2- A bishop or branch president is a leader of a local congregation of my church.
3- I had a car in college that happened to break down at the most inopportune moments. Being stuck on the side of the road at -40 degrees is not fun!
4- I served an 18-month mission for my church. I served the Spanish-speaking population of Las Vegas.
5- Youth in my church attend a class during the school year, called seminary, where we study the scriptures. In Alaska, the class is held before school.

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Conference Review

This month, we had two conferences for our church. They were awesome! What I got out of General Conference (a worldwide broadcast) was that families are super-important and that we need to all work together to bring to pass much good. Everyone plays an important role; we all need each other. From Stake Conference (a local meeting), I received a message that I really needed: I am enough. I don't need to be Super Woman; I just need to do the best I can and understand my limitations.  I loved both conferences and learned a lot. What did you learn from conference?

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